I walk by and heads turn,
Whispers follow me,
Murmurs and sighs,
Their eyes display different
Sadness, pity, sympathy.
All for me?
I don’t know.
No one has asked why I have a
No one is asking why my eyes don’t
glow up anymore,
No one is asking whether I am
They have already judged that am
That life finally got to me,
I couldn’t handle it, they say.
I couldn’t shoulder the
responsibility, they assume,
I couldn’t manage the solitude, they
So they form their opinions,
All about me?
I don’t know.
The sun shines bright but my existence is dark,
I can see… but just stilettos.
There is joy and laughter around me,
I can hear, but just echoes.
There is noise everywhere,
Around me… those asking if I'm okay, those lamenting, those judging, those commenting.
Inside me … the voice of doubt, the voice of blame, the voice of discouragement
So imagine my surprise when I look around,
Seeking affirmation that the voice inside me is not right,
But what do I get?
Increased voices affirming my hopelessness
Murmurs confirming I might not amount to anything
Whispers confirming that I am worthless
Is it all because of my inside voices? Is it all because of me?
I don’t know.I was just not okay for a moment
Maybe I got lost in that moment,
Instead of pulling me out of my reverie,
You made me go deeper,
I wasn’t broken,
But your words broke me,
Your actions made me think that not being okay is fragile,
Your emotions made me think I don’t deserve to come out of my glitch,
So what am I supposed to do,
When I try to rise through it but you pull me down,
When I aim to be strong but you label me fragile,
When I want to be great but you assume am worthless,
When I seek courage but you let go of my hand.
Tell me, is it just because I was momentarily not okay?
Is not being okay being broken?
Why can’t you help me mend?
Is my inner voice too loud for you to reach out to me?
Can’t you hear my cries?
Is it because of me?
Tell me. Because I don’t know.
I read everywhere how we have evolved,
How the world is developing and industrialization taking place
But what about the development in my head?
Who is talking about it?
Are we developing so much that we are forgetting to develop our emotions?
When I ask, they tell me “You are young, you will grow out of it”
But I look around and see the old people struggling
With the inner voices screaming so loudly.
When I enquire, they tell me “grow your career and life and you will be okay”
What of the suicides among those of higher classes?
Why would you assume the inner voices are because of money or lacking in life?
Why won’t you just listen to me?
I was just not okay for a moment
Why are you assuming I'm broken?
Why are you breaking me with your words, actions, and emotions?
I WAS JUST NOT OKAY….NOT BROKEN.
YOU BROKE ME!!!!!